So Many Different Directions

I'm laying in bed tonight, watching my guilty pleasure "The Kardashians" and thinking. My heart is being pulled in way too many directions right now. Kristen's grandmother died on Tuesday, her funeral is Saturday and it breaks my heart I can't be there. We had already committed to helping First Baptist with a 1st and 2nd Grade Fun Day and I don't feel right backing out now. I know that Rae would understand, but I don't like to back out on my word. I know that all day Saturday my heart will be in Nacogdoches.

I LOVE it when Mandy and Chris are here, it totally makes my whole month to see them, but when they leave, I always feel the same; sad. They take a bit of my heart back to SA with them every time. If we could, I would pack up this whole house in a heartbeat, move up to SA and start a life there. I want to do that more than anything. But I know it's not the right time. Zach has an amazing job that he loves, SJD is a wonderful church and there are a ton of people there that I love so much. I am really close to my family and all of the other people here who are like family to me and I will miss them if we leave. But when we're in San Antonio, it feels so right. I never want to leave. So there's another direction I'm being pulled.

I don't really know what to do other than just stay put and listen to what God wants us to do. And I know that Zach is the head of our family, and I will follow him anywhere. And I know that he knows where we are right now is the right thing for us. So I pray for peace and patience and guidance. And that Mandy will come to Houston every single weekend....kidding (kind of).